Did y’all know Nana Visitor was in a sitcom in the nineties pre-Trek with Sandra Bullock? It was based on that one movie with Sigourney Weaver and Harrison Ford (but featured nobody from that movie, obviously), only lasted one season, and all that remains on the internet of it is a single episode mysteriously up on Youtube.
Anyway, this promo shot is spectacular in every way and was giving me such strong delightful Kiradax vibes I had no choice but to follow through.
“PEPPERONI! God, I’d love a pepperoni pizza with Kavarian olives right now. I’m starving!”
Threshold pizza with black olives and tofu “pepperoni” - tutorial under the cut
Honestly why isn’t there a fic where Julian and Garak are out for lunch and idk how they got onto the topic of garak’s clothes but Julian just goes “oh yeah and your watermelon outfit” and garak is like ?????? Wtf is a watermelon and Julian is like “ok wear that green and red outfit during our next lunch and I’ll show you” so of course garak does and Julian goes to the replicator and orders a watermelon slice and brings it back to the table and holds it up the garak’s outfit and garak is like ….. .. . O h
Bonus: Garak asks if it’s just as delicious as he is and Julian practically dies on the spot.
I’ll get to work right away, Captain.
It was a sunny afternoon, at least it would’ve been on Bajor, according to the computer. The young doctor smiled as he made his way down the promenade. He always looked forward to his lunches with Garak, but today he was positively glowing with happiness, maybe because he’d just finished his latest paper on Dominion biogenic weapons, or perhaps because he was simply looking forward to chatting with his dear friend.
As Julian neared their table his grin widened. Garak wasn’t just wearing his usual relatively tame designs. Quite the contrary. In fact, the Cardassian was wearing a rather garish and, as he’d put it, “tragically human” shirt. The doctor had to take a few seconds to fully admire the floral monstrosity before finally sitting down.
“My dear doctor, what took you so long? I trust you were busy finishing Doran’s Song?” inquired Garak
“Garak, I haven’t even started Doran’s Song yet. I’m not even half way through-”
“Doctor. You’re staring.”
“I’m sorry Garak but… It’s just… What are you wearing?”
“Well, my dearest Julian, this is an Earth fabric.”
“Well I can tell that much.”
“Is it not to your taste, Doctor?”
“Well… I’ve seen worse,” Julian paused as he noticed his reptilian friend’s face break into a smile. “Like your watermelon outfit.”
“I’m curious. What is this… Watermelon you speak of?”
“Ah. Wear that red, white and green outfit of yours next week. Then I’ll tell you.”
When the doctor saw his friend’s clothing he had to resist the urge to giggle. Not only was the tailor wearing the outfit, as promised, but he was also wearing the most uncharacteristically genuine grin Julian had ever seen. “Hello, Garak.”
“I’ve upheld my end of the bargain, doctor. Now please do the same.”
With a dramatic flourish, Julian weaved between the many occupied chairs in the crowded Replimat to the replicator.
“Watermelon. Sliced.”
Julian collected the plate of pristinely cut fruit and precariously made his way back to his chair.
The doctor shielded the plate with his arm, so as not to spoil the surprise.
“Close your eyes, Garak.”
The tailor obliged. Julian lifted the food from the plate and held it up against his friend’s chest. Garak looked down.
“Oh.” He whispered. It took all of Julian’s self-restraint to resist falling to the floor of the Replimat in hysterics. “Doctor.”
“Yes, Garak?”
“I do wonder…”
“Yes?”
“My dearest doctor, is this ‘watermelon’ quite as… Delicious as you?”
And with that Julian Bashir collapsed to the ground, plateful of melon included.
Would you like to read compact snippets about Garak’s many (mis)adventures as requested by you, the reader? Ever wonder how Garak might react to bees? Or what about a Vulcan trying to seduce him?
Ever want to read about your favorite spy tailor trying to hack Sisko’s replicator to find out what the secret ingredient in his jambalaya is?
Now you can!
We’ve chained one already overworked author and trekkie to a computer and are holding their cat hostage so they have to write ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING you ask for!
It doesn’t matter if you give them a very specific story prompt or just the phrase “dick caught in replicator”, they’ve got to write it!
The only slack we’re cutting them is they’ve got to keep it under 1,000 words.
How is any of this legal? We’re in international waters!
Who funded this? We’re not saying Andrew J. Robinson… but…
Now let the madness… begin!
I had funny (to me, anyway) captions thought up, but lose my clever ideas when I stare at him. Just like in real life!
Ezri Dax (via kelasparmak)
